


Feeling It Out

by scribblebunny



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, FTM Karkat Vantas, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 13:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3122708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblebunny/pseuds/scribblebunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is more than ready to meet his internet girlfriend in the flesh...there's just one little detail he forgot to mention to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling It Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DemiboyMituna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemiboyMituna/gifts).



> So... I am not trans. If I screwed up in this depiction of a trans person, please let me know and I will attempt to fix it! I'm here to spread joy, not pain!

It had taken almost a year of officially being a “thing” with Terezi before Karkat was finally able to meet her in person. He saved his money, hoarded his PTO and meticulously planned every day they would spend together. He planned (worried) for months before he could finally fly down and have a real Christmas date with his girlfriend. Maybe even kiss her under the mistletoe like the massive sap he is.

Cramped from spending four hours wedged between an old lady with a lap dog and a snoring man in a suit, Karkat more hobbles than walks to the baggage claim. He waits until his luggage finally comes around the carousel. While checking his bag for signs of damage he’s struck by the sensation of being watched. He looks up, and like a scene straight out of the millions of cheesy movies Karkat tended to drown himself in, there she is.

People always tend to look a little different on camera, but there’s no mistaking Terezi’s carrot red bob or the cat’s eye glasses perched on her nose. She’s wearing plain gray slacks with a long patchwork coat that looks like the product of Jerry Garcia having a wild romance with Holly Hobby. She holds her cane in one hand and in the other a bouquet of white roses. At her feet sits her ever-loyal Australian Shepherd, Pyralsprite in her little dragon cape. Obviously, Terezi isn’t really looking at Karkat, but by strange coincidence, she’s facing him directly with her head cocked to the side listening. He wonders for a moment if she will be able to recognize his voice now that it isn’t being filtered through tinny computer speakers.

Warmth spreads in his chest; this was it. This was happening. Months of worry and planning all came down to this moment. He thought maybe since she brought roses he should go for the full cliché and rush up to her, pick her up and spin her around, but squashes the idea because the likelihood of her reacting like some random man is assaulting her is highly likely and he doesn’t want their first meeting to be remembered by the headline _Washington Man Mauled by Blind Girlfriend’s Dog_.

Instead he walks up casually, not letting his excitement get the better of him. He stops a comfortable distance from her. Pyralsprite reacts first, her tail wagging and letting out a whine like she wants to say hello, but her mom hasn’t given her the okay yet. Terezi tilts her chin up towards Karkat, unsure if he’s who she’s waiting for or if he’s just a random person stopping in her general area in the busy airport.

“Hi,” Karkat croaks, his throat feeling tight all of a sudden. The grin that spreads across her face is easily the most beautiful thing Karkat has ever seen. Familiar, but at the same time new because he’s there and can now get the full effect of her warmth and closeness and shit yes this is awesome.

“Hi? That’s all a get? Even after I brought you roses?” Terezi pushes said roses into his face and he can now see that there’s a small card nestled within them that says _Our Condolences_. Karkat’s pretty sure that was on purpose. He laughs, picks her up at the waist and spins her like he thought to do moments before, which is relatively easy because she’s 90lbs soaking wet.

She squawks and tilts forward to wrap her arms around his neck. “Ah you’re cuddly!” she crows like it’s some sort of delightful surprise. He told her before that he’s on the husky side, but actually feeling him must work better for her visualization.

Karkat sets her down gently, but she keeps holding on to him, grinning like a loon. “Hi,” he says again teasingly. This is the best idea he’s ever had.

***

Karkat is glad he decided to splurge for a rental car, because a cab ride back to Terezi’s apartment would have cost a small fortune and the last thing he want’s to do after a torturously long plane ride is get on a crowded bus or train. Plus driving directly takes half the time, which suits Karkat and his weird paranoia against airplane pissers. He’s practically dancing by the time they get into the lift in Terezi’s building. She lets him in and points “First door on the right.”

Once relieved of his most pressing problem, Karkat comes back to the living room where Terezi is sitting on the couch, absently scratching Pyralsprite behind the ears. She turns towards him and smiles. “Are you more hungry or tired?”

There’s a question. “Let’s do hungry first.”

“You want me to make us something, or do you want to go out?”

To be honest Karkat is more interested in dying on the spot, but he doesn’t want to just pass out on Terezi after waiting so long to be with her. He doesn’t really want her to fuss over him too much either. “It’s our first meal together, let’s go out.”

She frowns at him. “Are you sure?” It always sort of weirded Karkat out a little how astute Terezi is; she’s like a mind reader.

“Is it weird that I want to actually spend some time with you before drooling all over your pillows?”

“What about drooling all over me?” She waggles her eyebrows at him as she stands up. He grins as he closes the distance between them to wrap a hand around Terezi’s waist, cupping her cheek in the other as Karkat finally, _finally_ kisses her for the first time.

Their mouths move together, tugging gently. Karkat slides his tongue along her bottom lip, tasting cherry lip balm. His hand comes up from her waist to trail down her back, enjoying the slight shiver that rolls down her spine. Terezi responds by biting his lower lip and dropping her hands down to his butt and squeezing.

Karkat squeaks, he’s suddenly less tired. She presses against him and hums, pushing a leg between his to rub against his groin. She breaks the kiss with a gasp, “already?” She presses a hand against the bulge in his pants. He freezes. Oh shit.

Karkat pulls back, trying to ignore the clenching in his chest when he sees Terezi’s face fall. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “let me take a shower and we’ll go. I smell like ass and airplane.”

She smiles, but it looks forced. “Okay.”

Karkat grabs some clothes from his bag. Once in the bathroom, he lets out a long sigh. Fuck. He fucked that up bad. They had talked about sex. Well. Terezi made some suggestive remarks about “cuffing the suspect” when he comes to visit and Karkat played along because hell yes he wants to fool around eventually on this trip. There’s just a bit of “evidence” Karkat has failed to tell the “investigator.”

He pulls off his shirt and frowns. His binder helps him with passing, but it’s uncomfortable and bulks him up, making him look even fatter than he already is. He’s been saving for top surgery, but this trip is probably going to dip into his fund. Oh well, he wanted to lose some weight before he did it anyway. He takes it off.

Pants off, then underwear leaving Karkat in nothing but his packer and harness, glaring at it like it fucking betrayed him. He wore the damn thing so Terezi wouldn’t notice how empty his pants were if they got close. How something could both work and backfire on Karkat is a perfect illustration of how fate really fucking hates him. Getting through airport security wearing it was the fucking _worst_ too.

He knows he should just _tell_ her. He knows she wouldn’t care, it’s not like she’s going to dump him. He’s pretty sure she won’t. Unless she decides that he’s been lying to her for two years, which he hasn’t! It just hasn’t come up! Aw fuck Karkat’s so screwed up. There’s a goddamn security guard that knows more about his body than his own girlfriend. If he can’t trust her with this, then why are they even dating?

And the _rejection_ on her face when he pulled away out there is tearing him apart. He needs to tell her. Soon. Now… After his shower. Yeah.

***

Before Karkat has a chance to explain his shitty behavior, Terezi is rushing him out the door, Pyralsprite in tow. They eat at Terezi’s favorite Greek deli then spend the rest of the day walking through the huge park that’s a block away from her apartment. They get dinner at a hotdog stand before going back to her home. Karkat rationalizes that he should wait until they aren’t in public before he comes out to her, but they’re barely settled in on her couch at the end of the day before he passes out.

***

A couple days pass and Karkat still hasn’t figured out how to tell Terezi that he’s trans. It’s Christmas Eve and the two of them are having hot toddies while Hermey the Elf laments about wanting to be a dentist. Terezi is curled into his side, close and warm and he knows he’s running out of time. They haven’t been intimate past a few kisses and cuddles since that first afternoon and Karkat is starting to get antsy in spite of the fact that it’s completely his fault.

Gathering his courage, Karkat decides to just pull the band-aide off. “I get that.”

“Hmm?” Was she dozing? Shit. Oh well.

“You know. Like the situation you were born into isn’t right and you feel like you have to completely rebel just to be who you are. Like the elf.” Smooth. Nice. Way to go, Karkat, you fucking idiot.

She raises an eyebrow. “You want to be a dentist?”

“No I mean…” This is stupid. “Let me show you.”

He takes her hand and guides it down to his now empty pants, setting it on his crotch. Terezi frowns. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Exactly.”

Her frown deepens for a moment, but Karkat can see exactly when she gets it. “Oh…” Her smile looks sad and Karkat effectively feels like the worst piece of shit ever. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

He throws his head back, pushing up the back of the couch a bit as he groans. Lightening strike him down. “Because I’m a coward.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not cowardly… I thought you just weren’t ready to fool around yet.”

He actually laughs at that. “Oh. Oh no no no… I…” What does he want? “I’ve wanted you since the first time we skyped.” He sighs and cups her cheeks in his hands, holding her in place so he can press his forehead against hers and breathe. “I’m sorry I’ve been so cagey. I don’t want this to be another thing I screw up.”

They sit like that for a moment until Terezi breaks the silence. “Can I touch your face? I was afraid of what would be too close, but I want to know what you look like.”

God he’s too fucking lucky. “Yeah.”

Terezi’s fingers are warm and soothing as they trace Karkat’s brow line. He closes his eyes as they travel down, ghosting over his eyelids before cupping his cheeks in her hands. One of her hands smooth over the skin beneath his eye then traces the shape of his nose. She presses bulb of his nose down with a playful “Boop!” that effectively breaks the tension that started building in the base of Karkat’s neck. He’s still waiting for the shoe to drop and for Terezi to decide he’s too much of a mess to deal with.

He chuckles, admittedly more in relief than humor. She whispers, “stay like that” before tracing his mouth next. She hums as she rests her index finger on his bottom lip. “You have a very nice smile.” He takes the opportunity to nuzzle and kiss her hand. With a little more force she grabs his face and puts him back into place. “Uh ah! The investigator is still surveying the scene!”

Karkat’s heart flutters at the sight of her grin. It’s okay. They’re okay.

She continues her “investigation” down his neck, pausing on his pulse point for a moment. Her thumbs rub along the neck of his sweater. She bites her lip and asks, “can I take this off?”

Karkat takes a deep breath. “Yeah.”

She runs her hands down his chest and stomach and pulls his sweater off from the bottom. Setting it aside, she rests her hands back on his shoulders and traces her thumbs along his collarbones. She runs along the edge of his binder straps for a moment. “And this?”

Karkat takes a breath to steady himself. He sits up straight and pulls the binder off, wincing slightly as his breasts flop free. He feels really _exposed_ now and hopes the shaking is only in his head. But he wants this. He wants to give Terezi this.

Terezi stands up and pulls off her own top and bra then pushes her pants down. She stands for a moment in the dim light, maybe unsure of how to proceed. Karkat takes in the sight of her, the heavy dusting of freckles along her shoulders and down her chest, tiny waist, slender arms and legs. He forgets his misgivings as his mind wanders to tracing his mouth along small breasts and boney hips. He wants to bury his face in copper curls and listen to her moan his name.

Taking her lead, Karkat stands up to remove his own pants, catching the way she gasps when she figures out what he’s doing. He reaches for her first, pulling her close by the waist and running a hand down her spine. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face into his neck. He kisses her shoulders as her hands explore his back, down to his ass then back up his sides, making him shiver.

She takes his hand and pulls away. “It’s cold,” she says as she leads him down the hall to her room.

***

Karkat wakes up to a face full of red hair and a dead arm. The early morning light is just beginning to filter into the room, making shifting patterns on the walls when the heater kicks on and stirs the curtains. Terezi’s back is flush against his chest and he’s warm and sleepy if not completely comfortable. He doesn’t really want to move, but he does want his arm back before it falls off. He carefully shifts, trying not to disturb Terezi, but she mumbles and rolls onto her stomach. She pushes herself up after a moment, disoriented, and begins feeling around, trying to figure out what’s different in her post sleep haze. She ends up slapping him right in the face. “Ah you poked me in the eye!”

His outburst seems to chase the rest of her fatigue away. Terezi grins, shouts “Merry Christmas!” and flops on top of him. She wiggles and repositions herself until she’s straddling his lap while Karkat tries to remember how to breathe. She runs her hands up his body, stretching out until she’s lying on top of him. She finds his mouth and kisses him sweetly. “I like my present.”

“Yeah, me too.”


End file.
